The Ultimate Reason of Happiness

For the past five weeks, we’ve been taking a deeper look into the Top 5 Regrets of the Dying. I started this series in regard to the young woman named Brittany Maynard who was diagnosed with Stage 4 terminal brain cancer and decided to not prolong her suffering but instead chose to end her life on her terms. Her words to those of us alive and healthy was this:

Seize the day.
What’s important to you?
What do you care about?
What matters?
Pursue that.
Forget the rest.

Let’s remember those wise words as we finish out our series of Top 5 Regrets of the Dying.

1. “I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
2. “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”
3. “I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.”
4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
5. “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

I saw this quote posted this morning on Facebook from my friend Brian Grasso: “The ultimate reason of happiness is to be happy for no reason.” After reading I thought, happiness is not something that we strive for; rather, being happy is something that we are regardless of life circumstance, or how we look, or even our age, for instance.

When I look at the fifth regret of the dying, “I wish I had let myself be happier,” I wonder what is stopping someone from allowing herself or himself to be happy? To “allow” means to give permission and “happy” means to feel pleasure or to be content. So, what the fifth regret really says is that those who are dying wish that they had allowed themselves to feel pleasure or be content with what they have. I thought, “Why would someone not allow themselves the feeling of pleasure or contentedness?” As I looked deeper into the word “contentedness,” I learned that it is the feeling experienced when one’s wishes are met.

When I think of the word “happy,” Pharrell’s hit song “Happy” comes to mind. In his music video, you see people dancing and smiling and jumping around in pure delight. However, that’s not what being happy, or rather content, necessarily is to me.

To be “content” is to be in a state of peaceful happiness or satisfaction. As we look back at the quote: “The ultimate reason of happiness is to be happy for no reason,” I think it’s important to remember that allowing yourself to be happy is really to allow yourself to be satisfied. Satisfied, not meaning to not wish for improvement in your life, body, career, relationship, or circumstance for example, rather, it’s about experiencing gratitude with every breath that we take.

This Thursday is Thanksgiving, the holiday where most families are going to gather with their closest family and friends and enjoy a feast of turkey and all the fixings. It’s also a time, as the name implies, to give thanks and be grateful for all that we have, big and small. I thought it was fitting that this last regret falls on the week of giving thanks, the week we focus not on what we don’t have, but on all that we do have.

This week, I encourage you to not dismiss the fact that your body may not be where you’d like it to be yet, or your clothes don’t look the way you want them to look on you yet, or you don’t feel as great as you’d like to feel yet. Instead, I urge you to stop and breathe more often. Take a break and look around. Examine the beauty that surrounds you. Understanding that it’s a choice, be thankful that tomorrow you will wake up with another day to be happy. Choose to be happy.

Finally, I want to mention that throughout our series on the regrets of the dying, 29-year old Brittany Maynard did pass away. Just before dying, she offered us living these final thoughts:

The world is a beautiful place.
Travel has been my greatest teacher.
My close friends and folks are the greatest givers.
I even have a ring of support around my bed as I type.
Goodbye world.
Spread good energy.
Pay it forward.

I hope you’ve gotten some value from our time over the last several weeks looking deeper into the Top 5 Regrets of the Dying. I truly hope it has helped you reflect on your own life with a stronger sense of purpose, joy, and gratitude. Thank you for taking that journey with me.

I wish you a happy and healthy Thanksgiving. (And only one piece of pumpkin pie!) 😉

Your health and wellness coach in your 50’s,
Kim